We have now crept into March of 2020 – meteorologically its spring and everything in the natural world is starting to grow. The narcissi are putting on a lovely display, even the bulbs in my garden pots are making the effort.

I’m looking at everything a little differently now.

But let’s go back to how I left things in my last Blog – I’d had an inconclusive result to my PET scan and was waiting for an Ultrasound scan in February.

During the wait my Lymphedema increased. I was told this was quite normal and that it would recover over time but to me it seemed to get firmer and much more sensitive to touch. Putting the moisturising cream on was definitely more painful. I couldn’t move my neck as much and was getting an increasing numbness around the whole area.

Early on a very wet and windy Monday morning in mid-February I had my Ultrasound FNA (Fine Needle Aspiration) – Doctor speak for an Ultrasound targeted biopsy. The procedure was uncomfortable, even with the local anaesthetic and pain killers I’m taking, but at least it didn’t take too long. We were in and out within an hour.

We detoured from our normal route home to check out where Nigel was to have his MRI the following week – in a private hospital because of the delay caused by the RUH scanner upgrade.

At this time I didn’t have an appointment to get the results of the test but figured I’d get a letter in a day or two. As it turned out I got a phone call the following Tuesday and arranged to see my Consultant at Bath the next day.

I was nervous and hardly slept that night.

The weather was again wet and windy on our journey to Bath and both Nigel and I were very quiet in the car.

At the meeting Emma confirmed that the biopsy had shown persistent residual Cancer. We already knew that there was no further treatment. Right at the beginning I had been told my heart wasn’t strong enough to go through a long surgical operation (about 10 hours) and that Chemotherapy would likely kill me. The Radiotherapy I had undergone had shrunk the tumour but not completely eradicated it.

Now the NHS is fantastic with wonderfully skilled Doctors and Nurses, but even with all the magical machines and drugs they can’t cure everyone.

Fate had dealt me a bad hand. Or is it heredity as two of my siblings have been touched by the disease in one form or another. Either way I am where I am – which is now under the care of Dorothy House Hospice. I have already had a couple of home visits – Sarah is very nice and has already proved her worth by getting my pain control adjusted so that I am more comfortable.

I’m still doing a lot of sleeping but at least when I’m awake I can get out a bit, just not for as long as I used to be able to.

We went shopping to our local town the other day, just for an hour or so. It was lovely to see all the spring bulbs as we passed and rub the Calf’s head for luck in Borough Parade.

 

I’m now taking Naproxen and have a Fentanyl patch, as well as the Co-Codamol with just a little bit of Morphine occasionally.

I’m pretty much pain free now (well as long as the patch doesn’t fall off which it did the other day). Looks like I’m good for a bit longer so I’ll ‘keep taking the pills!’

Nigel has been my brick throughout the whole of this – he has always been supportive and caring – I just worry that as the Cancer progress’s I may become too difficult to live with – I don’t want that for him.

I have started, in a small way, to get my house in order. I have already had a fight (figuratively) with Barclays Bank in order to close a small savings account. We’ve found a local firm who will make a home visit and draft our wills – something we have thought of more than once in the past but never got around to. No time now for procrastination.

I don’t know how long I have left (well I suppose nobody does) but I’m damn sure going to make the most of it.

As I said in the last Blog we are booked on a CMH rally in Weymouth for Easter.

Then something, as yet unplanned for May, followed by Hermanfest in June.

Voyager’s habitation Check is booked (mostly to get the gas checked after Nigel replaced the Truma Combi boiler). Betty has had her motor mover given the once over after developing a ‘cutting out’ problem at the end of last season.

So we will still be exploring and posting Travel Blogs when the weather improves. Our trips on the 2G’s may be a little shorter but I’m sure just as much fun.

I do still get angry at times (you know the ‘why me’ thing) and I can’t say I’m not terrified and dreading what’s to come. I’m tearful at times but mostly now when friends and family say nice things to me. Nigel’s sister Mel phoned the other day to tell us that Frankie (niece) is expecting a daughter in July. I’m really happy for her but sad it’s another little one I won’t get to see grow up.